September 27, 2011
But I seemed to have turned a corner over the last couple of days. Dave and I were away last week at a wedding and we stayed in a beautiful cottage in the Peak District with some friends. Someone left a jar of instant coffee behind. I can’t stand the idea of waste, even if it’s something I don’t really like.
So I brought it home. And it came in quite handy because when I got back into the studio yesterday I was in manic mode – I felt like time was slipping away from me like a snake floating down an oily river. I felt far too rushed to make a proper coffee so I had the instant. And you know what? When you add enough milk it’s really not so bad. And it’s ready so quick – in an instant, really.
actually, because I feel that I’ve turned a corner with my art as well. I’ve started to work in more of an assemblage style. I made a sort of hollow box, with a picture in the background of me with my mom when I was about 4. We were standing somewhere out west in America. Orange ranges of scratched dirt provide a gorgeous backdrop. The top of the box has an old map of Americaand has a
definition of the word “home.” It was a surprisingly emotional piece for me to make. It made me think of all of the many times we moved when I was a kid and
in this picture I realize that this was about the time we started moving. It was before my sisters were born, but I felt I was already starting to loose my mother – it was the summer she got married. I was devastated. I look at this picture now through my adult eyes and my heart feels as if it’s being crushed. Because nothing would ever be the same again. Life as I knew it was over. And it was probably at this time that I developed my independence. I had to in order to survive.
I have to say, though, that this whole idea of approaching my art-making process as if I’m making it for someone wealthy has had an influence on my work. I find that I’m paying closer attention to details that I otherwise would shrug off. Not even shrug off exactly – it more like I just thought it wouldn’t matter. ‘Cuz whatever we make as an artist is to be revered, right? And this whole thing has got me wondering if what I was doing before was more like instant coffee and I’m now doing the real thing?