October 4, 2011
So here we are. October. It has been exactly 1 month and 3 days since I visited the gallery in Oxford. Yesterday I emailed the gallery owner to set up a follow-up appointment. I just heard back from him that he's free to meet this week. And now my stomach is up in my throat and I'm feeling a bit pale. I'm so nervous! I wonder if I've done enough, if what I've done is any good. I'm driving myself crazy. I feel kind of like you do in the moments before taking a test - when you think, "maybe I should study a bit more." But you realize that if you don't know the answers now, you never will. Yet I keep making art. Art that I keep thinking is probably rubbish. I can't get a quote by James Rosenquist out of my head: "Art is the greatest risk of all because when you're making something, you're constantly asking yourself what the hell you're doing." What am I doing? There's a constant internal struggle raging inside of my head: I waver between feeling confident and incredibly stupid. The meeting is set for Thursday morning. By the time I leave I will know whether I will beI feel like throwing up.
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