Once I got going on my Golliwog project, I worked like I was on fire.  I made most of my progress in one day - resolved the background and assembled the diorama.  Then a small standstill.  Yesterday I thought I was just about finished - just needed to paint the outside.  But Dave had told me over the weekend that there was something about it that just didn't sit right with him.  So last night we sat down and discussed what it was.  He was getting hung up on the unfinished look of the interior - the inside wooden slats.  I told him that's what I liked best - that my point was for them to look unfinished.  But there was something in what he was saying.  It was the lower portion - it just wasn't right.  Then I realized what it was - I needed to "knock out a wall".  And so here I am in the studio, tearing out a section of the assemblage and considering the finish.  Below is a gallery of my progress.  I should have the project wrapped up within the next day or so and will post pics of the finished piece. 

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, I've started a new piece about racism and slavery which was originally inspired by an image of a Golliwog. I'd never heard of a Golliwog before and decided if I was going to incorporate that imagery into my work I better do a bit of research on this character. I found a newspaper article from the Daily Mail dated 5 Feb 2009 (link provided below) which offers a brief overview on how the Golliwog was born and how the image, or rather use, of the character evolved over time. To quickly summarize, the Golliwog, whose name was a complete invention, began as a hero in children's literature in the late 1800s.

Because the character was never trademarked, it was fair game and author Enid Blyton used Golliwog in her books, portraying him as something of a villian. By the 1960s the character had become associated with racism.

If you'd like to read more about the history of the Golliwog, here are a few links to follow:

How the Golliwog Went From Innocent Children's Hero to Symbol of Bitter Controversy

Golliwog according to Wikipedia

Noddy Returns Without the Golliwogs

**On a side note, while I was tootling around on the internet doing my research I discovered, to my astonishment and dismay, that the band Creedance Clearwater Revival started out as - you guess it - The Golliwogs.

It's been a very emotive week - moments of doubt about my work have been followed (thankfully!) by bursts of inspiration.  There have been tears.  And there have been sighs.  But there have been wonderfully light moments, too.  Those lighter moments wouldn't be possible if it weren't for the friends and family who offer their continued support and encouragement.

During this difficult time, I had a couple of flashes for ideas.  I don't know how else to describe them than as a flash, so hopefully I've not confused you too much.  They're almost like snapshots that click at a superfast rate and have something of a dreamlike quality to them.  I usually have these flashes while I'm out walking the dog, and that's exactly where these took place.

As a collage artist, I am always scanning the ground for interesting items which have been discarded or had the misfortune of being carried away from their owner by a massive gust of wind.  Essentially, it's trash.  I like trash.  People so often throw away the most amazing things!  Before moving to England I got rid of my trash collection, apart from a few bits and bobs.  It was a heart-crushing moment for me.  But now that I'm kinda-sorta settled, I have resumed my trash collecting in Britain (the thought has just occurred to me that, as such, I'll probably be forced to refer to the practice as rubbish collection).  During one of my searches, I came across a real find: old Golliwog coupons!  Don't feel bad if you don't know what a Golliwog is, I didn't either.  I still don't know the full story on how they came to be, but for the sake of simplicity suffice it to say that they are to Britain what Sambo are to America.  (I should probably have written that last sentence in the past tense, as they're both terms not acceptable today, and rightly so.)

Now, please don't get me wrong when I refer to these coupons as a real find - I'm absolutely not an advocate for racisim in any form and do not support what they stand for.  However, they do hold a place in history and I am happy they've landed in my possession, because I can now use them to create a piece of art that explores the deplorable act of slavery and racism. 

And that, my friends, was what what of my "flashes" was all about.  Creating a new piece of work that incorporates the Golliwog and makes a statement against slavery.  I realize this is fairly bold coming from the likes of me.  But I think it's fair (if not our obligation) to explore this very unfortunate chapter of history because, like it or not, the effects are still evident and are all around us all of the time.  Slavery still exists, just in a different form to the one I'll be exploring.  And we all know racisim exists.  I alone can't stomp it out, but I can at least share my voice.  So the thumbnail above is the quick idea I scribbled in my sketchbook.  Today I spent a few hours cutting wood, finding appropriate collage imagery and brainstorming how exactly I'm going to create a Joseph Cornell-like diorama.  I'll be sure to keep you updated!

For the last several months I've been working toward making a career out of my art (out of my creativity, really), which I find to be an exciting venture - and absolutely terrifying.  For a long time I was struggling with finding my "voice."  I was caught in this horrible trap of feeling I had to justify my work and found myself spinning my wheels creating things that were soul-less, unresolved, and lacking in artistic merit or integrity.  Once I identified this, I was able to make a shift; I realised that it's OK for me to work in my studio on my own and to work intuitively.  And if I had to find words to explain it, I could do that after the fact; because when you're working intuitively it doesn't mean the work itself is done without thought or purpose, but rather it is created on a more subconcious level, based on information stored in your brain from some earlier time.  It's OK to reflect on your creation after it's been created and work your way back to its source.  And maybe for me that's how I have to do it.  When I was a kid I used to love doing maze puzzles but  could never solve them by entering from the outer circle to the inner sanctum.  I had to start from the inside and work my way out.  I think it might be how I'm wired. 

So I found my way out of one trap only to find myself entangled in another: searching for success and ways to make money at my creativity.  It's a dangerous combination, I think.  I was talking to my friend the other day and she asked me how the "business" was going.  I told her it's not.  That some days I just feel like throwing in the towel.  She asked why.  I said I just feel like I'm floundering.  I'm spending my time making things and and more things and I take photos and put it out there and still, get nothing.  A few random sales, but not much.  I had some brochure printed of my more "crafty" products and posted them through doors.  Handed them out to people.  It drove people to my website, but didn't drive them to buy.  People have commented that they like this or that and are interested in this or that, but there's something that's blocking them from making a purchase.  That tells me it's because my work is lacking something.  Because I know loads of people out there who are selling their creativity and they're doing really well.  I can't help but feel that my product is somehow lacking.  I don't know what it is: craftsmanship?  Originality?  Quirkiness? 

My friend listened to me patiently and then said this: "you listen to me.  You are not going to give up.  You've only been at this for a few months; some people spend years trying to make a business work.  I think you're still finding your voice.  I think you've still got work to do.  Are you journaling?  Are you sketching ideas?  I think you're so caught up in making money that you're somehow preventing yourself from reaching your potential.  You need to put that aside.  Because you're not an artist to make money.  You're an artist because you were born with the need to create.  So that's what you do.  If you make work that is true to who you are, people will recognize that.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will see it."

And you know, I think she's right.  No, I know she's right.  I have been caught up in the end goal, which is affecting my creative output.  I put so much pressure on myself that I end up floundering, unable to make decisions.  I feel like a fish out of water - so desperate for air and all I can do is flop all around.  I'm a fish, flopping around in my studio getting covered in sawdust and dog hair, drying up and becoming immobilized.  I don't want to be that fish anymore.  I want to be productive.  I want to be creative.  I want to get my MOJO BACK!

So I've decided two things: I'm going to give myself up to creative impulsion and I'm going to get out into the art scene.  It's time to let go of the wall and skate right out into the middle of the floor! 

I started last night.  I have this shell that I found at one of the beaches in the Northwest - possibly Crosby beach?  Anyway, it's a very special shell, always tugging at my mind begging me not to forget about it. 

Last night, as I was about to clock out of the studio for the day, I opened up my sketchbook and started drawing it, studying its intriguing barnacle-like formations. I found it tough going, because I haven't properly worked in my sketchbook in ages.  But it felt really good to put those marks down.  I felt like Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, drawing with command, using thick, dark lines.  And you know what?  I felt like it opened something up inside of me.  Maybe only just a crack, but that's where it all begins.  With one step and a break in the surface. 

Readers and regular visitors to my site are probably familiar with my vintage-style wall hangings, which are individually hand-made using a transfer technique that I recently developed (example to your left).   So far I've restricted my use of this technique to the War Girls series, while I gathered feedback which has been really positive.

Then I got to thinking: why not use this same technique to transform photographs into nostalic prints?  I don't know about you, but I love old photographs - faded and a bit worse for wear.  There's something sentimental and romantic about it.  But I guess nostalgia is like that. 

For the last few days, I've been playing around with this idea in my studio.  I've looked through some photographs (wedding photos are perfect!) to find somet that I thought would make for a successful transition from digital to tangible form.  I uploaded the photos into Photoshop, altered them by making them a bit faded and yellowed (I'm thinking about early colour photographs from my childhood that had an overly yellow hue to them - you know the ones), and worked my magic.  And voila! Nostalgic prints.  I like them, but what about you?  I'm curious what you think.  If you've got a second or two, would you mind giving me your feedback?  Merci!

The last gift I made for Christmas was a hat/snood/fingerless mitten set for my sister-in-law.  I found this wonderful chunky yarn, which I thought would work really well.  Then I started to crochet with it...and my goodness - what bliss!  It was like crocheting a cloud.  Actually, it was nothing like crocheting a cloud, which would be very slippery and impossible business indeed.  It was more like crocheting a huge ball of cotton that you imagine fat, fluffy clouds to be like when you're a kid.  Anyway, it was great.  And I'm really happy with the outcome.  So for today's viewing pleasure, I give to you the chunky hat/snood/mitten combo (as modeled by yours truly and my lovely friend, Annie - who is a much better model than I).

Today as I sit crocheting scarves and hats, I am watching a few episodes of Art21.  One of the artists featured in the episode I'm watching is William Kentridge, a contemporary South African artist.  I first discovered Kentridge on one of my many visits to the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago - quite possibly my most favourite place to visit. 

Kentridge creates these beautiful short videos often made from his charcoal drawings.  He photographs each movement of the drawing - he builds up layers and then erases them only to draw them again.  At one of the most compelling of my visits to the MCA, I saw three or four of his videos being played at one time in an inimate, dark room.  I was completely engaged and yet totally distracted, trying to focus on the storyline being told in all of the videos.  I could have sat there for hours. 

So as a way of tipping my hat to this artist who never fails to fill me with inspiration, I share with my readers a short taster of his work.  I implore you to do a bit of research about him and find more lengthy videos

I have this feature on my website that allows me to track how many visitors I have to my site which I like to keep tabs on.  I haven't been regular in my blog posting in the lead-up to Christmas but since I posted one yesterday I thought I'd take a look this morning at what the impact may have been.  I was astonished to find 188 views for this morning!!  I would think that out of those 188 people, some of them are reading my blog.  All I can say is thanks!!  And wow.  I'm so impressed.  (It's my highest count yet).  :) <----

She and I play games together quite a lot (especially Rumikub!) so I thought this would be a fitting gift. It'll be great when I go to hers for a brew and chat! I like it so much I think I might make one for myself. And keep an eye on my website because you may find before too long that they're available for popular consumption!

I'm re-reading one of my all-time favourites: Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  A brilliant read.  Makes me laugh everytime.  Out loud laughing.  Made all the better by the macabre artwork of Ralph Steadman.   If you've ever read the book (or even watched the film adaptation of it), you'll know that I must still be in the first half of the book.  Because as it nears its end, it's less laugh at loud and more gob-smacking.  My favourite scene is where the novel begins:
 " We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.  I remember saying something like 'I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive....' And suddently there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like hug bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas.  And a voice was screaming: 'Holy Jesus!  What are those goddamn animals?'

Then it was quiet again.  My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. 'What the hell are you telling about?' he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses.  'Never mind,' I said.  'It's your turn to drive.'  I hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway.  No point mentioning those bats, I thought.  The poor bastard will see them soon enough.' "

My beloved Tori Amos.  I go in phases of listening to her albums over and over and over to not listening to them at all.  I've been on a break for over a year.  Then the other night I had a real craving to listen to her Little Earthquakes album.  So brilliant.  One of my favourite lines is from Silent All These Years:
"Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now
But baby don't look up
The sky is falling
Your mother shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here
Take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them"

And with that I am signing off for the day.  I still have more presents to make and I really need to get started!!

The other day Dave and I found ourselves wandering around the cute village of Lechlade.  We came across an antique shop that was selling books for 50p a piece.  I couldn't resist this find: Illustrated Medical and Health Encyclopedia first copyrighted in 1935, with its final copyright done on 1963.   and renewed until 1963. 

It was the first page which made this a must-have for me.  It's hard to specify which part of it is the most comical (or scary), but probably the fact that a book like this was last published less than 50 years ago.  We've come a long way baby!  Here's the excerpt from the first (FIRST!) page with my comments in brackets [  ]:

"Some people think that the sex of the baby is indicated by the shape of thie mother.  There is no basis for this belief.  Some people think that a baby will always be lucky or will have second sight if he is born with a caul or veil.  That is just a condition of birth and has not the slightest significance.  Anybody who believes in second sight will believe anything. [i know that's right!]

Not long ago a man listed the superstitions in Adams County, Illinois, relative to pregnancy.  Here are some samples:

1.  A woman who lays her coat and hat on a strange baby's bed will get a baby.  [is this because she stole the baby and what happens if she lays down only her coat or only her hat?  will she get half a baby?]
2.  If outgrown baby clothes are given away, the mother will soon need them again.  [well, this is certainly true.  but the same could be said about anything we get rid of - it's certainly been my experience anyway!]
3.  If a couple get married and go to a picture show within the first three days, they will have twins.  [obviously true - Dave and I didn't go to a picture show within the first three days of being married and we don't have twins.]
4.  A poor man is certain to have many children.  [a quick observation will support that statement.]
5.  When a boy is born, it means that the husband has more strength than his wife.  [mmmkay...cuz it's the man pushing out the baby, is it?]
6.  Boys are born more frequently to youthful than to elderly parents.  [in fact, they're born more frequently in general.  I do wonder how old someone would have to have been in 1956 to be considered an elderly parent?  whatever the age, I'm sure I'm well past  it.]
7.  A baby born on a stormy night will be cross and nervous.  [they forgot to include they'll also be a sociopath who wets their pants during a storm.]
8.  A child born at four o'clock in the afternoon will be moderately rich.  [must be true - I was born in the early morning and I'm not even modestly rich.]
9.  A baby born with an open hand will be openhanded and of generous disposition.  [and a baby born with a closed fist will be a banker.]
10.  There are still people in Adams County who think that the stork brings babies, that the doctor brings children in his satchel, and there are some who say that babies are found in hollow tree stumps [i found one just the other day!]  This is not peculiar to Adams County.  [phew!]  There are still people all over the world who do not know even a fraction of the simplest facts about life and living.  [amen!]